How can I help? Church family, friends, and even strangers often ask me this question. On a typical day, I run errands as if I’m preparing for a long trip. I’m carrying a backpack filled with medical supplies, wearing a bag with personal belongings, pushing a stroller containing my usually happy (but sometimes over-stimulated) daughter, and holding whatever toy or clothing item she’s dropped along the way. My six-year-old was born with a condition that caused vision loss, hormone deficiencies, and a brain abnormality. She receives daily medications by feeding tube, is nonspeaking, and has difficulty walking. She’s getting stronger, but her medical needs continue to greatly affect her everyday life. As her primary caregiver, they also affect mine.
Caring for my daughter is a source of my greatest delight. It’s also hard. The necessities of her care often strain my body and mind. A 2024 article published by BMC Pediatrics portrays some of the physical and emotional tolls parents of children with disabilities experience. Common issues include fatigue, muscle and joint pain, sleep problems, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, and social isolation. The article sought to promote supportive environments to help parents thrive in their caregiving role and minimize these burdens.
I know many members of my local church have this same goal. Yet their desire to help is often met with uncertainty. What is helpful? Am I even equipped to help? Verses like Ephesians 2:10 and Titus 3:8 remind me of the God-given desire believers have to serve others, and I’ve felt supported by my church body as I’ve cared for my daughter. Yet we can all grow in our care for others. If you’re eager to partner with families of children with disabilities, here are six encouragements.
1. Be a learner.
My daughter has septo-optic dysplasia. When she was diagnosed, my husband and I had never heard of that condition. So we studied the nuances of her diagnosis and learned how to interact with her in a meaningful way. Though curiosity may feel awkward, you can learn to help families affected by disabilities by watching and asking questions. Proverbs 4:7 says, “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.” So, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Don’t shy away from asking about a child’s diagnosis and specific care needs. The child’s caregivers know him best. So watch how they interact with the child. Ask, What does the child like? Or dislike? How does the child indicate interests and needs? This may feel intrusive at first, but most parents will be encouraged by friends who are eager to know their child.
2. Be a present friend.
God made us for relationships. J.C. Ryle said, “Friendship halves our troubles and doubles our joy.” This is no different for children with special needs and their parents. Often, as joys are shared and vulnerabilities disclosed to friends, the challenges of special needs parenting deepens relationships.
Come alongside special needs families as you would any other friend. Offer to accompany them to medical appointments or watch their other children while they go. Consider providing dinner for the family after a busy day. And be a good listener. Another mother of a child with special needs told me that having someone listen to her struggles and accomplishments is one of the most helpful acts of friendship she’s received.
3. Be inclusive.
At times, caring for a child with special needs is isolating. My daughter is more comfortable in our home. Outings with her often prove more challenging than encouraging. In different seasons, our family has needed to withdraw from church activities or dinner out with friends to care for her. Observant friends have brought the outside world to us during these seasons. They’ve brought dinner over to enjoy with us at home instead of inviting us to theirs. Others have initiated Bible studies in our home during times when we couldn’t easily leave. These meaningful gestures both lightened our load and lifted our souls.
Another mother of a child with special needs told me that having someone listen to her struggles and accomplishments is one of the most helpful acts of friendship she’s received.
4. Be prayerful.
Recently a family member asked how she could specifically pray for my daughter. Her care in asking encouraged me. Though my daughter doesn’t speak or interact verbally, this family member conveyed to me that she saw my daughter as a person, a soul, with specific prayer needs. Asking a parent about ways to pray for her child is meaningful. You can also inquire about the joys and challenges the parents experience with their child to better inform your prayers.
5. Be patient.
If your caregiver friend is like me, she may struggle to accept your help. This doesn’t mean it’s not needed or wanted. Your friend may need time to adjust to the idea of receiving. Accepting help requires trust and vulnerability, which usually develops over time. Patiently build trust, and don’t give up offering help.
6. Point them to Christ.
As you strive to help, you may feel like you can’t do enough or like you aren’t doing the right things. So far I’ve discussed practical ways to serve families of children with special needs, but the most meaningful way you can help is by pointing the parents and their child to Christ. With gentle prayers and specific notes of encouragement, remind parents of children with disabilities that Christ is their ever-present help (Ps. 46:1), that he is the Good Shepherd (Ps. 23), the faithful friend (John 15:15), and the One who gives perfect rest (Matt. 11:28–29). Moreover, children with disabilities, no matter their level of understanding, need discipleship. Encourage them by teaching them the character of the One who made them and loves them perfectly.
With gentle prayers and specific notes of encouragement, remind parents of children with disabilities that Christ is their ever-present help
My husband and I are continually encouraged by the care our church family shows us. Recently, a member of our church has begun sitting with and caring for our daughter after the church service so that we’re able to engage in conversation without distraction. Though this may seem like a simple act, this gesture has helped us feel connected and included within our church body. Our daughter enjoys the companionship too.
That one simple act has made a big difference for us. Your simple actions can make a big difference for families affected by disabilities in your church too.
